As I am wide awake so early in the morning, I can't help but think about our friend Peter.
As I mentioned in my last post, Peter had invested so much of his life and energy into his man, Jesus, and his teachings. Peter was totally committed to following this guy all the way through to when Jesus would take up his throne and show the world and his people how to truly live. Peter had witnessed so much and was utterly convinced that he had found a greater path for his life that to be a simple fisherman.
Then it happened. The dream was shattered. Like so many things in life, this plan had not gone the way it was supposed to. This man, he was supposed to be the Messiah. But how could he die? Surely, Peter had missed something. No. Jesus was the one. He was the one they had waited so long for.
But that truth is harder to bare. Because if Jesus truly is the Messiah and somehow would rise out of this chaos as Lord, then there is no way Peter could follow. He had ran a long and difficult race only to lose sight at the very end. "I don't know this man!" How could he have said those words. Jesus is the only one who showed him how to love. He is this only one who really knows the inner Peter. Now he is gone. Will Peter ever be able to redeem himself?
What? Jesus is alive? It can't be! Will he still love Peter?
A few weeks after Jesus' resurrection a small group of the disciples, among them Peter, is hanging out near the water. I can imagine by this point the internal struggle in Peter is overwhelming. Peter, trying to find some kind of escape from his torment, decides to do something that comes natural to him and hopes this will keep his mind occupied. He goes fishing. The rest follow him.
They fish all night and catch nothing. Around dawn, they see a man on the shore. The man says, "Try your net over there." I'm sure they were a little frustrated by a long and unproductive night, but I see Peter thinking, "What else could I possible lose. I'm try it." Fish. Lots.
Wait a minute. Peter has seen this before. It's him! Not willing to wait for the others, Peter dives into the water and swims to Jesus on the shore. But before Peter could tell Jesus all the things that have been boiling up inside, Jesus feeds them breakfast.
After the meal, Jesus (I'm sure noticing Peter's uneasiness) turns to Peter and asks, "Peter, do you love me?" "Yes! Oh, God, yes!" Again, "Peter, do you love me?" "Jesus, you know I do." "Do you love me?" At this point, all that is bottled inside Peter churns to a breaking point. He remembers it all. The miracles. The words. The endless mercy. And I imagine as he sat next to Jesus on that shore and looked into the eyes of his beloved friend that question pierced his heart. And Peter, refined by the gentle fire of love and grace, looks back at Jesus and says, "How could I not? You are all I have."
And I think it was in that moment that Peter finally got the Message that Jesus had so patiently been teaching him for the past three years. It's all about love, Peter. As Peter responds to Jesus' questions, Jesus gives him these last commands, "Feed my lambs. Shepherd my sheep."
If we follow Peter's journey beyond this moment we see a new man. Peter is no longer a fisherman but he is finally a "fisher of men". Peter spreads Jesus' Message with such vigor and humility that even the scholars who hate him are amazed by him.
Peter. Rock.
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